![[icon]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/15221039/1263576) |
My secret forbidden thoughts.
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| There's a huge chance I won't dress in anything special until Saturday. I'm suppose to be Tina Turner's character from Mad Max Beyond thunderdome for the parade and I'll probably wear the costume until later that afternoon then I'm going "normal" again.
Don't get me wrong. I'm very excited about Dragon Con. I just want to be a little low key because I'm worn out from constant training. I have my first Muay Thai fighting match coming next month and my instructors have been working the shit out of me. I'm sore all over and not the good kind of sore either.
Isn't it funny? I entered into MMA training to emotionally get over the death of Fannie. Now I'm using those same pinned up emotions along with some other anger issues to beat somebody's ass in a caged match. Is there no end to my madness? **snickers**
Ok! See Ya Soon!
**kisses**
| comments: 9 comments or Leave a comment   |
| Last night for no reason at all while I was trying to sleep a vision of Fannie entered my mind and I begin to think about her. Suddenly without warning I thought about the day she passed and burst into tears. I went four days without crying and last night I had a crying spell. When I woke up this morning I asked myself "Why would I do that?" The answer I came up with was that Sunday is usually a slow day. A day that I do nothing but stay home and staying here all day made me think of Fannie and it all came crashing down upon last night when I went to bed. But then I thought that since I wasn't sore from lifting weights or MMA classes that it was time for my emotional pain to surface.
WelI, I got my answer this morning.
This morning while I was preparing for the gym I got a call from the Vet where I had Fannie cremated. They called me to tell me that her ashes are ready and placed in the urn that I brought her ready for me to pick up. What did me in was when the lady said "Fannie is ready to come home" Those words were heartbreaking and I couldn't even answer back. The woman was patient and she waited until I calmed down a little but I still couldn't reply because holding back tears and talking just doesn't work for me. So she said "There is no rush. Whenever you are ready to come pick her up she'll be right here. We'll keep her safe and sound until you come. Take your time honey"
"Thank you" was all I could say before hanging up.
This shit is hard. REALLY REALLY HARD!!!!!! Especially since I'm alone. When Zeta (Fannie's mom) died it was a very hard moment for me but Fannie was there to soften the blow along with my boyfriend at the time. Now that Fannie has past I'm having to do all of this on my own and I don't have another pet to soften the blow of her death. Now I can see how my friends got new pets after their original pet passed on. I understand it now. Animals are therapeutic. They soften the blow that life brings you from time to time.
After I left the gym today I went into Pet's mart and played with a couple of puppies and one adult dog. I didn't go in there to get another pet. I just wanted to touch and play with another animal. You know what? I felt like a new person afterwards. I'm so use to cats that I forgot that dogs like to lick you, chew on your shoe (while you're still wearing them) and jump all over you like a trampoline. THey were a handful and I had a blast playing with them. I played with them for close to an hour and then I left, smelling like a dog house. LOL! But the best part was that I left feeling good.
I doubt very seriously that I'll get another pet. I know some of you will think I'll change my mind as years pass but I know me very well. I highly doubt that I'll get another pet. When I love someone or something I tend to love them hard and when they pass away I don't take it very well. It's been 10 months since Jazzmon died and I'm still trying to cope with her untimely passing. Frankly! DEATH SUCKS!
A part of me want to go to the Vet and get Fannie's remains but today I'm not strong enough. In a few hours I'll be leaving for MMA class and my instructor is really hard on us on Mondays. Hopefully he'll be really hard so I can be in extreme physical pain tomorrow morning. If I'm aching all over from MMA class I can pick up Fannie's remains with no problem. I would be in so much physical pain that I'll doubt that I'll shed a tear during the entire process. I don't know about you all but I can't be in physical pain and emotional pain at the same time.
I really want to get Fannie's remains and bring her back home. Unfortunately, I just can't do it right now.
Let's hope tomorrow will be a stronger day for me.
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | THANK YOU | | Time: | 09:09 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/numb.gif) numb |
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| I want to thank all of you who left supporting words on my LJ during one of the most horrific moments of my life. I said to myself that I'll respond when I go a day without crying at least once but that shit hasn't happened yet and frankly I don't know when it will happened but I thought I would come in here and show my gratitude for your kind gestures. Trust me and I'm not just saying this.............IT REALLY MEANT A LOT TO ME! I also want to thank ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) dante_posh for calling me up and making me laugh for an hour (I really needed that) and ne for talking to me on the phone while I cooked my meals in the kitchen. That was the hardest part because every time I would go into the kitchen in the past Fannie would meow non stop (and I mean NON STOP) because she knew her fresh fish was being cooked along with my meals. So it was hard for me to go into my kitchen and cook without expecting to hear her sweet meows.
Ok well enough of that. Just that little bit of information got the waterworks flowing again so I'm gonna move on to another topic and when I'm strong enough I'll talk more about Fannie.
This week I decided to take Jiu-Jitsu and Muay Thai classes at this martial arts center on Ponce De Leon in downtown Atlanta. I'm going to start going there on a regular bases Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Believe it or not this stuff is very therapuetic for me. I'm in so much physical pain from those classes that I forget about the emotional pain I have inside. My world is so different now and for the first time in my life I feel alone. I set that up though so I'm the blame for that. I refused to get involved in relationships or become more social when Fannie got sick. Now that she's gone I have to get myself back out there again. It's hard but I'm taking it one step at a time so wish me luck.
I'm still bodybuilding and came in 2nd place for my last competition four weeks ago. I have another competition in July and then I'm taking a break before my final competition in October.
Pfft!
Between bodybuilding, Brazilian jiu-jitsu and Muay Thai I'm gonna be one bad ass bitch in the end.
HA!
Once again thanks for your support and know that I love you all for that. I don't feel so alone when I read the replies from my LJ friends.
thanks and cya!
| | comments: 10 comments or Leave a comment |
|  Fannie1993 - 2009
thanks.
| | comments: 18 comments or Leave a comment |
| Hey Gang,
It's that time of the year again when I'm doing some major cleaning. It's been four years since I cleaned like this before. Remember the last time I cleaned I sold some great stuff for super cheap and even gave a bunch of shit away?
Well it's that time again.
Here's the deal. I have this big ass dog cage that I'm ready to get rid of. Anyone who read this on LJ can have it for FREE! But I'm gonna list it on craig's list for $35. First person from either here who wants it send me an email goddessamazon@goddessamazon.com and it's yours but you need to pick it up ASAP because if someone from craig's list offer to pay for it and it's still here I'm gonna go for the money.
As you all know I didn't use it for dogs. I used it for boys so the cage is in perfect condition with no dog smell. I'm not doing anymore puppy play scenes so there's no need for it.
Holla!
EDIT - I forgot that the cage can fold up. So if you have a normal size car it will fit in the backseat with no problem. I just took it out of my dungeon room and tried to carry the entire thing out AS IS when I remembered that it can be unhooked and folded. Pfft! My brain? I tell ya!
CLAIMED
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| Back during the summer of 2007 I came to you all (My LJ Family and friends) about my beloved Fannie being diagnosed with liver and kidney failure. During that time the Vet said she’ll live for only 3 more months. I took her to another vet and she diagnosed her the same but didn’t give her a “death sentence” because I warned her that she’s not GOD (along with a bitch slapping if she said that bullshit to me)!!!!
Both Vet Doctors wanted me to pay for all kinds of treatments that will possibly prolong Fannies life. Treatments that would have cost me $2,300 - $3,000 a month. Since I’m a Holistic Doctor I decided to help Fannie myself with my own treatment which has worked beautifully. She was 13 when her liver started failing and last week my precious fur ball made it to 16!!!!! Talk about a big FUCK YOU to the veterinarians who thought she wouldn’t last past 3 months in 2007.
A friend of mine told me that Fannie is my spiritual guide and she will not leave me until I am heading in the direction I’m suppose to. When I start moving in a new direction with a new purpose along with goals my Fannie would have accomplished her purpose for being in my life and leave. She will no longer be needed here in the physical and thus make that transition into the spiritual world. For selfish reasons I refused to accept Fannie leaving me. I didn’t want her to die because it wouldn’t be the best for me. I want her to be here with me for always and I could careless what she wanted or why she was here in my life in the first place.
Now that she has turned 16 the selfish part of me is gone. I have accepted the fact that Fannie will make her transition this year. She gave me signs 3 weeks ago and I am preparing myself for that moment. It’s not an easy pill to swallow but I managing.
For some reason Fannie is really showing her age this week. Her meow is softer, she walks slower, she is more affectionate and constantly sits in front on my electric heater. Hell! I even brought her an electric blanket last year to lay in while I’m away at the gym or running errands because I don’t want the electric heater to run while I’m not home. Right now she is lying in the sun and looks so peaceful. I don’t feed her any medicated food anymore. She refuse to eat it and that shit is expensive so why waste my money? Instead, 90% of her diet consist of cooked fish like tilapia, salmon, cod or flounder. Yes, my boo is eating like a Queen and I budgeted my finances last year and this year so that I can continue to feed her this way.
Words can not express how much I love this cat. I have altered my enter life/lifestyle for the past three years due to her illness. She has had more good days than bad until recently. Now her bad days are more frequent. Before March she would have one bad day every other week. Now it’s twice a week every week. I know she’s preparing me for that time and I can honestly say that I’m more prepared for it now than I was in 2007 and 2008.
Pets are the best thing that “The Higher Power” has ever created for humans. I am very grateful to have Fannie in my life and I’m glad that she’s been in my life for the past 16 years. No other pet will be able to meet the high standards that she set and when that dreaded moment comes when she make her transition from the physical to the spiritual world I will not replace her. No other pet could give me the satisfaction or joy that Fannie has given me and I refuse to get another.
I just wanted to take some time to express my feelings and to share with you all what’s going on with “Miss Thang”. I did throw a mini birthday party for Fannie last week minus the hat, candles and banner but don’t you worry…………FANNIE’S BIRTHDAY PART TWO IS COMING THIS WEEKEND and you better believe all that stuff will be included.
Of course pics will be posted for your (and my amusement) HA!
Cya! | | comments: 13 comments or Leave a comment |
| LMAO!!!!!!!!
THIS MADE MY DAY!
Oh by the way!
Hey Ya'll! Me and fannie still doing fine.
cya
| | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| If you have a cat that is experiencing bad tummy problems which results in he/she throwing up then get this cat milk by Whiskas. It can be found in Walmart, Kroger and of course Pets Mart. It comes in a purple carton and run about $2.50 a set.
Two weeks ago Fannie was having some really bad stomach issues. After trying for two days to get her tummy to settle down I decided to go buy her this catmilk I saw on sale. SHE LOVED IT! When she finished drinking it she would roll on her back and let me rub her tummy which means that she was feeling much better.
She's been on it for 2 weeks now and I am happy to say that I haven't seen her have any stomach problems since.
OK gotta go
Cya
| | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Hey Ya'll | | Time: | 10:50 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/happy.gif) happy |
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| What's up PEEPS? I hope everyone is doing well. Can you believe I have some free time on my hands? *gasp*
I decided to come in here and give a mini update on my life.
My competition?
I WON THAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
One day next week I'm gonna take a picture of me holding all my trophies I won this year. I'm hooked like hell on this bodybuilding thing. It's addicting and I love the way my body looks now. This is a new passion of mine and I'm going to improve with time.
Fannie - My beloved kitty is still here alive and kicking. I can't tell you all how happy I am to have her here in my life. Imagine if I gave up on her 2 years ago when the Vets said that she won't live long due to her kidney and liver. I'm glad I fought for her health and I'm rewarded for my efforts because she's still here and gettin' on my nerves as usual but that's why I love her.
Jazzmon - I'm slowly healing from Jazzmon's death. That was the biggest blow to my world this year. I'm a little lonely without her too because now I don't have anyone to talk about bodybuilding. I have so many different levels to my life (domination, health, cat, bodybulding, traveling, etc). I have friends to talk to about each level except bodybuilding. I'm sure I'll get another friend who bodybuilds too but there will never be another Jazzmon. I just wish that she could have stayed here in the physical for just a little while longer.
Dragon Con - I know I'm a month late on this but I HAD A FUCKING BLAST AT DRAGON CON!!!!!! It was so good to see all my friends there. It may not seem this way but when I talk to you all I cherish every minute of it. I'm not the type of person who believe in "out of sight, out of mind". Even though I don't see you all as much as I want too doesn't mean that I don't think about you ..................and it damn sure doesn't mean that I stop caring. Friendship is something I value so when you saw my face light up upon seeing you please know that it was a sincere expression.
Working - Meh? It is what it is. When my health business goes down my domination business goes up. When my domination business goes down my health business goes up. It's usually that way. Never have them both being up and down at the same time. It's usually one or the other and that's cool with me.
So when will you all see me again? Lord knows! I don't travel as much due to fannie (that's not a complaint by the way) and I'm an official gym rat so my free time is spent pumping iron. If I don't attend any parties or events it looks like the next place I'll appear at again is Dragon Con 2009. Yup, I'm all paid up for next year. I don't care where I am in the world or what I'm doing...........................I'll always come to Dragon Con.
Believe Dat!
| | comments: 14 comments or Leave a comment |
| Hello Everyone,
I just wanted to take this time to update you all on what's been going on with me lately. Once upon a time I was very active on LJ and now I barely log onto this site. It's not that I don't have any love for it anymore it's just that now that I've been doing the natural bodybuilding thing my life has taken a 180 degree turn. Since DragonCon is right around the corner (yes I'll be there for the entire event) I thought I would update everyone one on what's been happening with me lately. I'm going to include fannie too since you all love her almost as much as I do. *smile*
Right now I'm training for my third bodybuilding competition. My last one for this year is the first weekend in October and then I'm taking the rest of the year off. I'm going to be looking really toned for DragonCon because it's right after my third competition. I really like training with weights. It has calmed me down BIG TIME! All the aggression, bitchiness and the need to kick someone's ass has leveled out. Oh! Don't get me wrong, I can get fired up when I want to but now I pick and choose my battles wisely. I'm too busy for that shit.
The economy has changed my businesses big time but not in a bad way but rather in a different way. My Pro Sessions have gone down but my website membership, phone & webcam sessions, DVDs, and merchandise sales have gone way up. Actually the money resources have switched. What I use to make in Pro Sessions I am now making in other areas. A lot of men just can't afford to see me like they use to and since I don't travel like I use to in the past my Pro Sessions aren't as frequent anymore. The biggest financial cut came when I slowed down my traveling. Due to Fannie's health I only visit Germany once a year and make one national trip a year. This year it was Maryland and more than likely next year it will be Maryland again. I want to come to Boston sooooooooooooo badly but I simply don't have the time.
Speaking of Fannie...............She's doing well. I am often proud of myself for not trusting in those stupid ass Vets. Especially the one who gave her a death sentence 2 years ago. I can still hear that bitch now "You're cat won't make it past 2 months. 3 months tops" and I believed her ass until I woke the fuck up. She said Fannie won't make it to see her 14th birthday and here she is 15 going on 16. She's not as fat as she use to be but she not scrawny looking either. She just look normal. I'll take pictures of her later and post them for you all to see.
But I must admit something. SHE IS DRIVING ME FUCKING NUTS! Have anyone here ever cared for an elderly? They can be difficult at times. They want their food prepared a certain way or they won't eat it. They can be unreasonable at times. That's fannie's old ass.
Check this out!
I have two litter boxes now. One for shit and the other for piss. No more one litter box. Once upon a time I would clean her little boxes once a week. But now? I have to do it every three days. Doesn't matter if it's not full, MS THING wants to have fresh littler every three days or she will pee on my gym clothes. Oh it gets better. Since I'm spending more time with her I decided to feed her wet food every other day. I would buy the expensive stuff with lots of nutrients. Last year she loved the stuff but now? The cheaper the wet food is the more she likes it. She will let quality soft food rot to hell in her bowl but when I feed her the cheap shit she eats it all up in 30 seconds flat! She use to love sleeping on my lap while I type on the computer but now? She will fuss at me if I dare use the mouse. Oh! Oh! And one more thing! Oh you're gonna love this shit! This is something new. She's been doing this for the past three weeks. Ok, when I come home from the gym I immediately take my wet gym clothes out of my bag and place it on the floor so I can gather them all together in a few days to be washed. If my clothes are too close to her sleeping mat MS THING will come find me and stare me down until I move them. That is the most annoying shit in the whole wide world. It doesn't matter if I'm on the phone, in the bathroom, on the toilet, taking a nap, typing on the computer, cleaning my room, whatever! She will stare me down until I move my gym clothes away from her sleeping mat. And before ya'll say anything, NO my gym clothes don't stink (that badly). LOL!!!!! She's just doesn't want to walk around or over my clothes to get to her sleeping mat!
So that's what I'm dealing with right now. I'm officially her bitch and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. *smile*
hmmmmmm? What else? Oh I'm in a relationship. Right now it's too early to see if he will last til the Fall. Ya'll know how I do
Ummm? Oh my motorcycle is dead and I'm trying to find someone to come fix it but haven't had any luck.
Uh? Well that's about it. Right now until my last competition all I do is eat, work, sleep and train. I'll be sure to post some pictures up here from my August competition.
I look forward to catching up with everybody at DragonCon. It would be nice to finally be out and about for a change. Hope everyone is well.
take care,
Goddess Amazon. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry for the late response. Fannie and I are doing well. No news is good news when it comes to me.
:-) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AT and T brought out cingular then they brought out Bellsouth. I am so over the NEW A T and T.
But if I want to switch home phone services my only option is
Vonage and MCI??????????
Don't get me wrong. Vonage is not bad but the hold time for customer service is 10 -15 minutes. MCI charges more than A T and T and Verizon isn't in this area yet.
Did I miss a phone company because right now I'm going crazy trying to find one to replace A T and T! | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Tags: | my cat | | Time: | 11:22 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/worried.gif) worried |
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| I've always monitored Fannie's drinking and eating. Just so I can keep tabs on what she's doing. Yesterday I noticed that she's been drinking twice as much water as before. Due to her kidneys her water intake has been higher than normal but now it's really high. I try to watch her but when she sees me watching she'll stop drinking and rub up against my leg wanting me to pet her. So now I have to sneak and watch. This morning when she woke up she started to drink. I would peek around my bedroom and watch. She drink water for 43 seconds, walk away, look out the window and then came back and drink more water.
I'm filling her water cooler more often now and this has me worried. Other than that she's normal. She likes to lay in the sun, she meows my head off when she wants wet food instead of dry food and she loves to sit on my lap while I surf the net. She's an awesome kitty!
It's times like this when I wish animals could talk. I have no idea how Fannie is feeling on the inside. I'm not going to take her to the vet even though she has a good doctor now because all she's gonna do is run testing on fannie and tell me what I already know. Her kidney's are going bad and so is her liver. Yeah, I paid for this information already so I don't need to pay for it again. Besides, fannie doesn't like leaving the house and she doesn't like her vet doctor. I'm know the vet probably feels the same way when she look at her right hand and sees fannie's teeth marks.
I just wish I knew what's going to happen next. I've heard that cats can live for quite a while with failing kidneys. I just don't want her to suffer but she's so loving, affectionate, talkative and active I can't tell if she's in pain or not. That's the part that bothers me the most. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| You know.......when I saw secretary I was like........"say what?"
As a Domina I didn't relate to the film at all. But one of my German female friends who's also a Domina hip me onto this german movie about a D/s relationship.
THIS FUCKING MOVIE IS AWESOME!!!!!!!! It puts "The secretary" to fucking shame! I love the entire movie except the last thirty seconds of it. The ending pissed me off but not enough to make me not watch it again and again.
It's about a 50 year old probational officer who gets assigned a 16 year old boy who loves pain. This boy does everything he can to get her to punish him and when she does...............IT'S HOT!!!!!!! VERY VERY HOT!
If the "secretary" is made for male doms and female subs then "punish me" is made for female dommes and male subs.
check it out. You won't be disappointed.
http://picturethisent.com/trailers/punishme-coa-lo.html | | comments: 11 comments or Leave a comment |
| Every week I get a stupid ass email that requires me to immediately delete upon reading. I think what I'll do from now on is post the ones that are REALLY crazy. I won't respond but I'll post them just to show you all what type of mail I get in my email account.
Dear Mistress
i am Frankie and I have a VERY special fetish and obsession my whole life long.
I ( 31 white male) want to be transformed into ebony.
I admire the colour of black people so I want be be dark skinned too.
I hope you can help me to reach my goals. I will serve you and will do whatever you want from me.
I want to become your ebony slave.
Is that possible?
You can use body makeup, chemistry or whatever you plan to use. I will follow your instructions as your personal slvae. Money is definitevely no prob.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ANSWER
**shakes head** And these guys want to know why my bullshit-o-meter is always at level zero!!!! | | comments: 14 comments or Leave a comment |
| Calories Burned During Sex
The Act of Insertion | If the man is ready (same vice-versa) | | 1/4 calories | | If the woman is not (same vice-versa) | | 274 calories |
Satisfying Partner (organ size) Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside. | Normal size | | 22 calories | | Oversize | | 15 calories | | Tremendous | | 8 calories | | Teensy-weensy | | 163 calories |
Positions | Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other) | | 20 calories | Woman on top, man on bottom
| | 25 calories | | From the rear (Mysterious variation) | | 40 1/2 calories | | Standing: Both partners of equal height | | 18 calories | | Standing: Woman 1 foot taller than a man | | 90 calories | While in traction
(very useful during ski season) | | 124 calories |
Locations | On a bar stool | | 20 calories | | Rear of a Honda Civic | | 38 calories | | In a phone booth, standing | | 14 calories | | In a phone booth, lying down | | 274 calories | | On an airliner, aisle seat | | 24 calories | | On an airliner, middle seat | | 42 calories | | On an airliner, window seat | | 30 calories | | On an airliner, in the lavatory | | 100 calories |
Possible Side Effects of Intercourse | Bouncing | | 7 calories | | Sliding around | | 9 calories | | Serious Skidding | | 12 calories | | Full cartwheel | | 20 calories | | Whiplash | | 27 calories | | Knee burn | | 6 calories | | Chafed elbows | | 5 calories | | Chafed nose | | 11 calories |
Sex Related Noises | Short gasps (per gasp) | | 3 calories | | Wheezing | | 5 calories | | Squeals | | 4 calories | | Ecstatic moaning | | 11 calories | | Low growling | | 8 calories | | Squishing | | 10 calories | | Shouting | | 16 calories | | Screaming | | 18 calories | | Urgent begging | | 22 calories | Any short speech giving partner directions
(”Please don’t stop,” “Faster,” “Just a little more” are common examples.) | | 25 calories |
Approaching Orgasm | Letting go | | 5.5 calories | | Controlling yourself | | 79 calories | | Digging nails into your partner’s back | | 11 calories | | Trembling | | 15 calories | | Shaking | | 20 calories | | Shuddering | | 25 calories | | Trying to keep eyes open | | 33 calories |
Orgasm | Real | | 27 calories | | Faked | | 160 calories |
Orgasmic Intensity Scale | Expression didn’t change | | 1/2 calorie | | Face turned purple | | 15 calories | | Orchestra swelled | | 6 calories | | Magical explosions | | 10 calories | | Blazing Sheets | | 25 calories | | Earth moved | | 30 calories | | Vesuvius erupted | | 47 calories | | You began moaning in Latin | | 60 calories |
Pulling Out | After orgasm | | 1/4 calorie | | A few moments before orgasm | | 500 calories |
Multiple Orgasms | For women: | | | | 2 | | 14 calories | | 5 | | 30 calories | | 8 | | 47 calories | | (Depending on how great her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of “reduced sanity” that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship ,and ride a Moped.) | | | | For Men: | | | | 2 | | 21 calories | | 3 | | 39 calories | | 4 | | 57 calories | | (For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage.) | | |
Special Orgasms | Clitoral. | | 15 calories | | Vaginal | | 21 calories | | Penile | | 21 calories | | Scrotile | | 15 calories | | Rectal | | 25 calories | Oral
(can also occur during an especially good meal) | | 30 calories |
Premature Ejaculation* | During insertion | | 2 calories | During intercourse
(Approximately. 2 sec’s or 3 thrusts after insertion, whichever comes first.) | | 5 calories | | During foreplay | | 3 calories | Immature ejaculation
(Similar to premature ejaculation except male acts childish and throws a tantrum.) | | 4 calories |
Consequences of Premature Ejaculation Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec’s of intensive sex, especially if he immediately sits up to watch the football on tv. | For Women | | | | Frustration | | 8 calories | | Anger | | 15 calories | | Violent mood swing | | 20 calories | | Surpressing rage | | 25 calories | Not surpressing anger
(In extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently massaging partner’s head with a tire iron.) | | 65 calories | | For Men: | | | | Cursing | | 10 calories | | Apologising | | 3 calories | | Snivelling | | 5 calories | | Pleading for mercy | | 8 calories | Begging for another chance
( Men never seem to mind if a woman has an orgasm after 3 seconds of sex.) | | 15 calories |
Possible Side Effects of Good Sex The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional reactions include: | Swooning | | 6 calories | | Palpitations | | 10 calories | | Shortness of breath | | 5 calories | | Perspiring | | 8 calories |
Possible Side Effects of Bad Sex | A less-than-sunny desposition | | 1 calorie |
Recovering | Un-entwining | | 3 calories | Regaining motor control of pevis
(After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk [put one foot in front of the other], which will seriously impair your chances of going to the bathroom or getting some juice.) | | 7 calories | | Standing up | | 9 calories | | Getting some juice | | 11 calories |
Rolling Over and Going to Sleep After intercourse
(Classic behavior for shiftiness men who believe they’ve done their job and are now entilted to a rest. This “rest” may include snoring.) | | 18 calories | During intercourse
(Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction.) | | 32 calories | During foreplay
(Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of interest.) | | 12 calories |
Trying Again | If the woman is ready | | 5 calories | | If the man is not | | 156 calories |
Dreaming | Regular dream | | 2 calories | Wet Dream
Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
Add 20 calories if your partner notices | | 16 calories | Wet Trance
(Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist.) | | 20 calories |
Group Sex | Introducing yourself | | 3 calories | | Overcoming shyness | | 8 calories | | Swapping partners, willingly | | 4 calories | | Swapping partners, unwillingly | | 62 calories | Jealousy
(Partner having more fun than you are) | | 16 calories | | Mixed doubles | | 26 calories | | Being nice to everyone | | 100 calories | Anger
(You suddenly realize that you’re wanted for you body and not your mind. Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a Ph.D.) | | 10 calories | | Finding your clothes | | 5 calories |
Masturbation | For pleasure only | | 6 calories | | For exercise, too | | 10 calories | | For relief from tension | | 12 calories | | To pass the time | | 7 calories | | To avoid overeating | | 16 calories | | To get in touch with inner self | | 10 calories | | To get in touch with outter self | | 10.5 calories | | To avoid insanity | | 24 calories | To avoid spending money on a date
(In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping, and binges, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.) | | 9 calories | | Using your hand(s) | | 11 calories | | Using your finger(s) | | 9 calories | | Using tweezers | | 2 calories | | Using an inflatable doll | | 24 calories | Using Any fruit or vegetable
(Except watermelon or a sprig of parsley) | | 19 calories | | Using a vibrator, hand-operated | | 12 calories | | Using a vibrator, windup | | 9 calories | | Using a vibrator, electric | | 5 calories | | Using anything not mentioned here | | 50 calories | | In a pornographic movie theater - purchasing the ticket | | 2.5 calories | | In a pornographic movie theater - finding isolated seat | | 78 calories | | In a pornographic movie theater - adjusting raincoat | | 3 calories |
Typical Sex-Related Fears | Partner hates me for what I did | | 4 calories | | Partner hates me for what I didn’t do | | 8 calories | | Forgetting the instructions in the sex manual | | 10 calories | | Climaxing too soon | | 5 calories | | Climaxing too late | | 6 calories | | Not climaxing | | 20 calories | | Partner thinks of me as a sex object | | 9 calories | | Partner doesn’t think of me as a sex object | | 47 calories | | Partner will neglect to adminster last rites should I not recover from orgasm | | 88 calories |
Personal Fears | Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm | | 6 calories | | Stretch marks that look like a plowed field | | 8 calories | | Penis envy | | 72 calories | | Body odor of a disgruntled yak | | 25 calories |
Getting Caught | By partner’s spouse | | 60 calories | | By your spouse | | 60.5 calories | | Trying to explain | | 165 calories | | Stuttering | | 28 calories | Throwing up
(Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed) | | 40 calories |
Almost Getting Caught | Trying to remain calm | | 100 calories | | Fright (includes trembling) | | 66 calories | | Leaping out of bed | | 25 calories | | Getting dressed in one large motion | | 300 calories | | Thanking partner quickly | | 2 calories | Jumping out of window
add 5 calories if window wasn’t open | | 15 calories | | Landing | | 1 calorie | | Running very fast | | 50 calories | | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I love ghetto grandmommas. They take no shit! Not even from the fucking police.
My favorite line from her is "Come on in motherfucker"
Hahahahahahhahaaa!!!!!!
She is drunk off colt 45 and listening to snoop & 2 Pac
Ya'll know if the TV wasn't there they would have shoot that old woman. Thanks goodness for the cameras. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| Remember last month when I asked if anyone had a XP CD so I can fix my computer?
Well if I didn't tell you all this before let me update you. It was more to it than that. My hard drive went bad and I had to get another one. Not only that but I had to get all my old stuff transferred from my old hard drive (which was corrupt) onto my new one. Which wasn't easy and cost me money I didn't have at the time. I hate bringing my computer to people I don't know because once they look inside and see all these videos, picture and clips of BDSM activity (which involves me) they tend to act different. This last guy who fixed my computer was sweet as apple pie when I brought my computer to him but when I had to pick it up from him the next day he had fear in his eyes as if I was there to do him harm. LOL!!!!! He was a totally different person the next day. I was nervous, shaking, shuddering and kept his distance from me. Seriously, this guy would not get within 2 feet of me. LOL!!!!!!
Ah! Vanilla folk! Gotta love em.
Anywho, Yesterday my power supply went bad. So that's another damn thing I had to replace on this computer! But instead of going to the guy who replaced my hard drive I decided to fix it myself. Truth be told I don't like to make people feel uncomfortable. It's obvious that homeboy saw the pictures and videos of me doing some FUCK UP things to men. LOL!!!!! He is scared to death of me now and serves him right! He shouldn't have looked at my files anyway. That's my private stuff. View it at your own risk.
So I took the old power supply out of my computer (which was a bitch to do) and brought it down to best buy. I showed the guy the model I had and he gave me some options. I picked the one that was best for my computer.
"Would you like Geek Squad to install that for you?" He asked
"Are they going to install it for free?" I asked
"No, it will cost you around $30 - $45." he replied
Now mind you, this damn thing cost $78. I wasn't too thrilled with the price in the first place. So for me to buy this thing and pay a bunch of high school kids to install something that I can install my damn self was a bit too much. Especially for 30 or 45 bucks! He is crazy????????
So I brought the unit, came home and carefully connected the power supply into my computer. I was so nervous because I did this out of pure memory and Lord knows I don't want to spend a bunch of money on fixing something that I messed up.
Ten minutes later I screwed the box back in, plugged up the unit and turned it on. Whaa La! It worked! I am the bomb!!!!!!
You know what? I took a good look into my computer box and I realized something. I can make one of these damn things myself. There's nothing to em. I think the hardware to the computer is very easy but the software is where the professionals come in.
Now I know why ginstar sells those generic desk tops at such a low price because the average person can build one themselves.
** I just love learning new things** | | comments: Leave a comment |
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My secret forbidden thoughts.
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![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/sore.gif){kind=small}
sore![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/depressed.gif){kind=small}
devastated![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/chipper.gif){kind=small}
chipper![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/amused.gif){kind=small}
amused![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/busy.gif){kind=small}
busy![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/calm.gif){kind=small}
calm![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/irritated.gif){kind=small}
irritated![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/horny.gif){kind=small}
horny![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/annoyed.gif){kind=small}
annoyed![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/pleased.gif){kind=small}
proud